Two years ago, I was hooked on drugs. Prescription Drugs. I had a nervous breakdown as a result of a radical job reassignment. In essence, the job was very stressful, I was unable to cope with it due to lack of training and support. Yet, I was being blamed for everything which went wrong. A Catch Twenty Two If I ever saw one.
On 9/11/2006 I walked away from the job and went to my Union shrink. He immediately put me on two months medical leave and diagnosed me as Bi-Polar. I was set up with a therapist and started seeing her regularly. But after a year, I was transitioned to a mental health clinic within my community.
The Clinic was nice and close and I started going right away. At this clinic I had a therapist and a shrink ( I say shrink because I have problems spelling that other word ). For about three months I resisted taking medication. Why? Because I didn't want to be like my Mom, who suffered from Paranoid Schizophrenia for most of her life. She suffered horribly from bad doctors who in essence just wanted to dope her up and send her home.
I reluctantly began to take medication because the ultimate horror occurred. I started to suffer from insomnia. I would go on "stretches" where I wouldn't sleep for days, then crash for days afterwards.
So I was given ( now please pardon the spelling ) Rispiradal, Ambein, Seraquel, and occasionally Clonapin. Every one of these drugs were addictive, but I was never told that by my shrink. Every month when he saw me, he asked one question: "Are you taking your medication?" and that was it. No further attempt to interact with me as a human being was encouraged. Then he would preceed to write out my scripts for the month. Bye the way, I should have known the drugs were addictive because I could only get one thirty day supply at one time. . . . . . .
For a while the meds worked. But only for a while. As you know, God built our body very uniquely. It builds up a tolerance to meds and you have to either increase, decrease, or change prescriptions to get the same result. My shrink, did no such thing, even though I complained that things were not working out very well. That I was having weird symptoms. He would always declare: "No, not MY medication! My medication is good! Just take it."
Like a dummy, I kept taking the stuff, and I wound up in the emergency room several times. For some strange reason, I suddenly developed a swallowing and choking problem. I would eat, swallow and the food would get caught in my throat. I could breath, but I could not swallow. So, of course I called 911.
One straw which helped to break the camel's back was when I had a nervous collapse ( sort of ). I can't even describe how I felt on that evening other than I was a mess. I hadn't slept for about five days in a row ( despite taking Ambien regularly ), and I had to get up, and go to Bible class. After class I had to go out to work. But, after class one of my sisters came over to me and asked "What is wrong?" I broke down and told her. The next question was: "And you are going to work in this condition?" Of course stupid me said yes.
The rest of the night / early morning was a blur as my Sister in Christ and her husband drove me to a hospital and checked me into the Emergency Room! I spent most of the morning there dozing and eating. I have to add here that I had not eaten much either.
When I finally saw the Emergency Room Shrink, guess what she told me? After I had showed her waht I was taking, she told me to "stop taking that stuff"! I was only supposed to be taking those meds on a therapeutic basis. Two weeks on, two weeks off, not for the past 9 months STRAIGHT! She also warned me that Rispradal has a tendency to make people "climb the walls" after the body has gotten used to it. Instead of calming them down, it "ramps them up". I was already ramped up!
She gave me a prescription for Clonapin and told me to have a serious talk with my doctor in order to find alternatives to taking the junk I was on.
Therein began the rebellion. When I finally went back to my doctor, I put my foot down and explained to him what the emergency room shrink had told me about Rispiradal. His reaction? "Oh yes, Rispiradal has a tendency to make people climb the walls. . . . . . ." he said. WHAT? you knew there was a possibility I would have a bad reaction from this particular medication and you GAVE IT TO ME ANYWAY? Of course, he gave me a script for more of same, and I came to a silent conclusion when I left his office. No More Meds!
What really sealed the deal was when I went to the pharmacy and tried to fill my prescription for Ambien. The poor innocent man kindly informed me that he had NONE LEFT! That particular store in the Rite Aid chain was back ordered for the past two weeks, and the most he could do is give me two pills and tell me to come back tomorrow.
TWO PILLS? TWO PILLS? OMG!
Needless to say, I nearly FREAKED in the drugstore! Thank God the Holy Spirit calmed me down and I walked out and went home, with my 2 PILLS. On the way I prayed and prayed and prayed. God had been poking me and telling me that I needed to get off that stuff, but I was so afraid! I was terrified I would go through some kind of horrible withdrawal like in "The Cross and The Switchblade" ( if you have not read this possibly out of print Christian Testimony / book, I highly recommend it even though it may be tremendously DATED. Christ is never DATED. ). I came to the conclusion that 1. I was hooked. 2. I needed to get off completely. 3. I needed God to do it in me, because I couldn't do it myself.
It just happened to be Thanksgiving week and I had the entire week off and that's when I made my decision to toss all of my pills out and go cold turkey. Nearly two years later, I am clean and free of all of that medication. I still have the problems, but God has dealt with them tremendously and most importantly, HE DID NOT ABANDON ME!
He will do the same for you. That's what John 3:16 is all about. Jesus cam to die on the cross, in order to DELIVER us from sin and eternal death, and from all of the horrible problems we have in our lives. Most problems come from making bad decisions, from going our way instead of God's way. God's way is the right and only way.
I urge and implore you to come, my friend. There is still room at the cross.
